Prologue

My sister Wendy had talked me into enrolling at Guelph University where she was finishing up one of her degrees. University was a great experience for me. I lasted almost seven days...just long enough to meet Jain who invited Wendy, myself and four of her other friends to her parents condiminium in St. Petersburg. It was just what we needed since two weeks ago we had just returned from a ten day mini vacation in Fort Lauderdale at our cousins wedding. Having worked so hard at university for a week, I felt I owed myself a vacation. Wendy argued that her four years of effort entitled her to one as well. Grudgingly, I agreed and we decided to accept Jain's pre-vacation invitation and go on from there to an extended trip in Mexico.

Monday April 23 1984

Wendy and I were already packed having just returned from Florida on the 7^th of this month. Our mother and Ant Doris drove the two of us to the airport where we promptly missed our plane. It left early. Jain was already in Florida waiting to pick us up at a pre-arranged time. This was a problem as she did not have a phone at the condo. We phoned Jain’s parents who were in Toronto and had them phone the condo superintendant to get hold of Jain and let her know not to meet us at the airport at 4:30 a.m. We heard later, the super was not too pleased...and I'm sure Jain's parents were not terribly amused either. We took the next flight and after all that trouble we still ended up arriving at the exact time. We were met by ambulances that took several passengers away who had passed out. From experience, we guessed it was the food. We took a taxi to Jain’s.

Tuesday, April 24 1984

Lee met us at the door at 5:00 a. m. Wendy and I went in to Jay and Liz’s room and talked to them until we fell asleep on the floor. We froze to death until Tracy took pity on us and covered us with blankets. Several hours later, Tracy, Wendy and I walked to the beach and stayed there all day. We bought a pizza and asked an old man if he would mind if we sat at his table. He agreed. I made the mistake of throwing a piece of crust to a seagull. They swarmed around us and our old table mate ran away screaming. We returned to the condo and hung around the pool with Liz and Jay. Jay, Lee, Jain and I went for a sauna. The women’s was locked so we all ended up in the men’s. Everyone left but Jay and I. As we were sitting in there wearing our towels, we heard the voice of the super outside giving a young couple a tour. He opened the door and said, "And this is…." He glared directly at Jay and continued, "The MEN’s sauna". Jay turned bright red and stammered, "it’s not what you think". I didn’t help her. I never said a word. It was the only time I ever saw Jay flustered. For supper, Liz, Jay, Lee, Jain, Wendy and I took a taxi to the Brown Derby. We had to sit in the lounge for 2 hours before being served. While we were waiting, the people at one of the tables left, leaving a bowl of fish-shaped crackers behind. We were starving so I stole the bowl. Apparently they hadn’t left. They came back and the man spied us eating his crackers and glared at us. When they finally left, the cracker man’s wife somehow stepped into the strap holding Jain’s purse on the back of her chair. She fell flat on her back. We couldn’t help it…we howled with laughter as she limped out the door holding onto the crackerman. During our meal Liz passed me something under my chair. Blindly I groped around – it turned out to be Jain’s plate of mashed potatoes. Apparently Liz thought it would be funny to hide them from her. After our meal we were whisked home by Wayne in his taxi while he recounted his war memoirs. Spent the evening watching tv then went to bed on the pullout couch with Jain and Wendy.

Wednesday April 25, 1984

Didn’t get up until 12:00 today. Wendy, Jain, Lee and I walked to Treasure Island Beach. People yelled at us from cars all day. My favourite one was directed to me, "Can I have one?" We stayed at the beach all day. Jain gave me my new nickname, "Blackie". On the way home, Wendy and I bought 5 avocados for a dollar…our meal for the next few days. Back at the condo we had a big two hour meeting about renting a car then all of us (Tracy, Liz, Jay, Lee, Jain, Wendy and I) walked to The Olde World cheese Shop. The waitress asked what I would like to drink. "Water" I replied. She answered in astonishment, "Pumpernickle juice?!". "No", I sighed, "WATER!!" No one ever hears what I say but I will give her credit…that was the worst interpretation I’ve had yet. It reminded me of the time I walked into a television store and asked if they sold "rabbit ears". The sales clerk countered with "Robin’s Heels??!"

Later we all went to bar. Lee’s dancing partner followed her back to our table and introduced himself as "Dick" of the RCMP. Prior to his coming over, Lee had decided she did not like him so had pointed me out as her husband. She neglected to mention this to me until later. I wondered why he stared at me all night but slowly worked it out while he interrogated me about our life together. I kept turning the conversation back to him. Later we met two guys (Mike & Tom) who drove all of us except Liz and Jay, to their one room wooden shanty on the beach. It was pretty cool. No hydro. We sat around till 4:00 a.m. chatting about their favourite topic – drugs. We came to suspect/know that they were drug dealers – especially when Sean, who had just been released from jail for trafficking, made a drug deal on the phone. Yes, it’s true…we are quite perceptive. They invited us over tomorrow night for a chicken dinner. It’s definitely not a good idea, so I’m sure we’ll go. Went semi-home to the pullout bed.

Thursday April 26, 1984

Jay, Wendy, Liz and I took a taxi to a car rental place and rented a Chevy Malibu for a week. We used my Visa for security. We drove to the beach and walked to Mike’s shanty from last night where we sat in the sun all day and swam. All of us realise now that Mike and friends are phonies and that something fishy is going on. I fell asleep listening to Mike tell Wendy his life story. The highlight was him telling her that "I really like your brother, Paul." We decided to stay for supper but that was it. We all pitched in \\$2 each for chicken and other eatables. I peeled potatoes and diced cucumbers. It was pretty unreal. There are old sailboats and dried driftwood everywhere. It’s an ideal location if not for the company. We met another two of their friends, Donald and Craig. I was a little wary of Donald as I thought he said he worked in the ballet – it turned out he was a valet. Some girl left with my new towel but Mike said he would get it back for me. He gave me a loaner. Mike introduced an older couple as his "parents". They definitely were not. I’m sure they were his connections. They went from group to group acting suspicious and whispering in hushed tones. There was that wealthy bad guy look about them. You had to be there. They were the classic millionaire untouchable drug dealers. Later Wendy let it drop that our father was an RCMP narcotics inspector on business in Florida. Our popularity seemed to diminish markedly. It was an interesting experience. We returned to the condo.

Friday April 27, 1984

I got up and went over to Mike’s for my towel. He was asleep in bed with…Craig (hmmm!). He said he would have it for me tonight. Later all 7 of us went to the St. Petersburg beach. We spent the day tanning and swimming with the pelicans. I could get to like this. It was so hot, Jain bought an ice cream cone which melted down her arm before her first lick. Went back to the condo and sat around the pool. Later we ate at Wendy’s restaurant and then went to the mall. We had drinks in a small restaurant and by the time we left everyone was staring at us. People just don’t seem to appreciate it when strangers sing along to their birthday party and add comments. Wendy, Liz, Tracy, Jay and I went to the movies to see "Splash". It wasn’t bad. Later, Lee, Jay and I went back to Mike’s to get our things back – my towel, liz & Lee’s shoes and taperecorder. Amazingly, we got it all back. We left never to return. Watched movies until 4:00 a.m. I don’t know why we always sleep in down here. Jain did her sleepcrawling trick all night. Every time I woke up she would be at a different end of the pullout couch or even in a different section of the room.

Saturday April 28, 1984

We got up early at 7:00. Liz, Wendy, Jay, Tracy and I drove to Disneyland. It was \\$17 U.S. to get in which included everything. The cashier made me wear a shirt so that I "wouldn’t drive the girls wild" (everyone is a sarcasm wizard). While we were in a line-up, Jay commented on my tan saying, "I’m glad I’m white". The black man ahead of us misunderstood and was not amused. Sandra Tain and her mother met us as planned and stayed with us all day. Tracy and I went on Space Mountain after waiting for it be repaired. It was worth the wait. Tracy was kind enough to scream in my ear all the way. We also went on "The Pirates of the Caribbean", "Haunted House", "Small World", "2000 Leaks Under the Sea", "If You Had Wings", "Jungle Cruise", "Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride", "Hall of Presidents", "Robinson Crusoe’s Tree House", and the teacup ride where Liz Sandra and I in one tried to make it spin faster than everyone else’s. Went on a car ride which was not very good and the monorail where the door slammed on my leg. Tracy lost her camera. The Electric Light Show was excellent. We seriously considered sneaking into one of the rides and hiding for the night. We included the gatekeeper in our discussion of the pros and cons of being caught. He stuck to the con side of the conversation and was not particularly amused at being tormented. Jay drove us home. We got lost but a policeman escorted us through St. Pete’s right to our door.

Sunday April 29, 1984

Bill the caretaker knocked on the door and woke us up at noon…but aside from that he’s an all right guy. Went down to the pool and laid around and swam all day. Wendy, Liz and I made fun of some little kids. We’re easily amused. Later we went to the condo clubhouse, played pool and exercised and used the sauna. When we were done there, Liz, Wendy and I drove to McDonald’s for supper. Apparently we were hungry as my notes state that we went out again later to a small restaurant for pizza. All this doing nothing really brings on an appetite. We watched tv all night.

Monday April 30, 1984

Jain, Wendy and I drove Lee to the airport this morning. She had to return home. Wendy stayed at the pool all day and the rest of us went to the beach. I found a chin-up bar to play with and did 22. Jain and Tracy went for a walk while I slept on the beach with Liz and Jaybird. We talked and swam. I stepped on a fish. The fish was not thrilled…that’s me – a friend to nature. Stopped at Mike’s and returned the towel he loaned me then we went back to the pool. All of us but Jain went to the Cheese Shop for a supper of pies. I had two peanut butter pies. From there we went to an arcade and played games. We rode the bumper cars in the wrong direction until we were kicked out for being too rowdy. Liz, Tracy, Jay and I went to a disco and we all danced at the same time all night. The band was excellent. We were so hot we returned to the condo and went swimming in the pool at 3:30 a.m. until the Super kicked us out yelling something about the pool closing at 11:00. The guy is just no fun. Even later, Tracy and I went for a walk and sat down at the wharf talking for an hour while watching the fish jumping.

Tuesday May 1, 1984

Jain, Wendy, Tracy and I drove out to a bird sanctuary. It was interesting but it was also too hot to enjoy. We ate at The Hungry Fisherman and it was very good. Returned home. I attempted to fix Jain’s shoe rack and ended up totally destroying it. She now calls me "Destructo". We hung around the pool all afternoon swimming, talking and making fools of ourselves. Later we went to the mall and I splurged buying a \\$22 shirt. Tracy, Jain and I saw the movie "Terms of Endearment". They cried their eyes out…especially Tracy. The three of us walked through Bennigan’s Lounge looking for the rest of our crew. Once we located them the six of us got up and danced as a unit for a while. Wendy was chatting with a man who had a colourful parrot on his shoulder. She impressed him by mentioning that she "had a starling". He replied, "A starling…What’s that?!" We moved on to a disco and danced there all night. I think the girls were trying to get me killed. There was a local beauty pageant being judged and my "friends" were making fun of the contestants while their boyfriends standing behind us listened in to the insults. Somehow we survived the night. Back at the condo, Wendy and I did our laundry. We ran out of quarters so we couldn’t dry anything. That’s how I ruined my white pants. I unknowingly put them on a rusty hanger. We stayed up until 4:00 a.m. talking then went to bed.

Wednesday May 2, 1984

Wendy and I got up and said goodbye to Jaybird and Bill the caretaker. Jain, Liz and Tracy drove us to the airport. We were singing Jain’s favourite song of the week, "homo we go, lez be on our way, for I love you and you love me, that’s homosexuality." It was a real crowd pleaser. The five of us had lunch at the airport then we dawdled around saying goodbye until someone came over and asked us to hurry up. We were a little annoyed and asked who he thought he was. It turned out he was the pilot. We waved goodbye to our friends as the pilot followed closely behind kicking us all the way out to the plane. Our pre-vacation was over. Wendy and I would now be entering phase II of our holiday and would continue on to the Yucatan Peninsula.

Click Here To Go On To Part II