Overnight Bike Trip to Gananoque and US 2001

KINGSTON, ONT.

WOLFE ISLAND, ONT.

CAPE VINCENT, N.Y.

CLAYTON, N.Y.

GANANOQUE, ONT.

KINGSTON, ONT.

I KEEP TELLING YOU....IT'S NOT A BIKE RUN!!!!

Saturday September 8, 2001

On the spur of the moment, Linda and I decided to do an overnight biking loop from Kingston, Ontario over to Clayton New York and back through Gananoque. This would be a test for Linda?s semi-new bike. She had just received it back from its 10,000 mile check-up. A new rack had been installed which I saw as she removed the sacred cycle from its dust free dome. She had once told me that she didn?t like to get air on it. I saw her visibly cringe as the morning humidity touched the metal frame.

?They?re called panniers, Hoss ? we?re not going horseback riding? returned Linda. She?s a real stickler for terminology.

?I suppose those are specialized biking socks you?re wearing? I said sarcastically as I peered at the little bicycle logos by her ankles.

?Well, yes? she replied ?what did you think - that cyclists wear everyday ordinary socks?.

?I was just kidding? I said. While Linda had her back to me I rolled my sports socks down to the same height as hers.

We saddled up the nags and set off, barely having time to grab a cinnamon bagel before catching the ferry to Wolfe Island. We sat upstairs keeping a wary eye on the bikes below. A small shudder went through the bench as we hit a wave.

?What was that ? another one of your monstrous sneezes?? said Linda sarcastically.

She is always mocking me for having perfected the silent sneeze. But that?s all right as I?m secure in the knowledge that I?ll have the last laugh when I?m hiding in the cupboard from the axe killing maniac. It won?t be my sneeze that gives me away.

From Wolfe Island it was a pleasant ride to Van Horne?s ferry. Here we were treated like royalty as our bikes were the only vehicles present on the trip across to Cape Vincent. I was quite surprised that Linda didn?t take that opportunity to do bicycle laps around the empty ship. Clearing customs was a breeze. We were just waved through. I barely had time to conceal my firearms and fresh fruit.

Occasionally Linda will humour me allowing me to ride point, as was the case today.

I looked back to see her front tire drafting a hair breadth from my back tire and asked foolishly ?Am I going too fast for you?.

?Oh yes?most definitely? she replied, ?my fedora nearly blew off at the last curve?.

Linda took over the lead. We blew by several hundred scenic spots which would have been quite interesting to see but the leader had her blinders on and we had to press on in the 34 degree temperature. Arriving in Clayton we checked out a clothing store as Linda had forgotten to pack a bathing suit for our hotel pool tonight.

?Don?t buy one on my account. Once you?re in the water, no one will notice? I said helpfully while getting the evil glare.

Linda modeled several for me. I polled the audience and the favourite was the thong, but Linda went with a purple costume which in my opinion, had far too much material.

We headed over to the Caddy Shack Bar for lunch. I went in and borrowed a menu while Linda watched the bikes outside. Pizza looked good. I disappeared back inside to order leaving Linda outside in the heat. It must have been a million degrees out there and no shade. The pizza took a long time to make. After a while, the bar stool became uncomfortable and I was getting a little chilled from the air conditioning. I went out to check on Linda. She wasn?t feeling well. I told her I had to get back before someone took the beer that one of my buddies bought me. I could feel the evil eye boring into my back as I re-entered the bar to check on the football scores and chat with my barflies. The bartender filled our water bottles for us and even included ice. Delbert challenged me to a game of pool but unfortunately the pizza appeared at that moment. I scraped Linda off the pavement and we rode over to the park. The pizza was excellent.

The next stop was the U.S. border crossing. Again we were whisked through and told we could not ride over the international bridges but had to walk our bikes up the pathways. The ramps were extremely narrow. Linda scraped her knuckles on the sides while I smashed my hip several times on large steel pylons that were sticking out. It was a good 2k walk. We rode to the Canadian border. There was a patch of shade just before we started our second 2k walk on the Canadian Bridge.

?Hold up a minute? I shouted to Linda as I sat on the guardrail and drank from my water bottle. I removed my black helmet which seemed a little softer as if it were melting.

This was news to me. ?Resting? What are you talking about?? I asked slightly perturbed.

?Well?we just had a downhill stretch and several hours ago I saw you sitting down when I stopped to tie my shoelace? she said with conviction.

After burning our britches we pedaled our way past Ivy Lea and stopped at a little store for water.

Eventually, we rolled into Gan and checked out the first hotel. It was the Colonial Inn and it had all the toys including an indoor and outdoor pool, trampoline, squash courts and an in-room Jacuzzi. It was a large enough complex that the clerk gave me a map to our room. Linda studied it carefully and yelled, ?Follow me!?

Henry Hudson led the way through the Northwest passage, around the fountain of youth and across the Straits of Magellan. Eventually, we snagged a roving gardener and Linda explained to him how we had received a defective map and needed to find room 126. We were pointed in the right direction. It turned out the room was right beside the point we had started from. However, Linda had us circumnavigate the Colonial Inn to arrive there.

The bikes were stored carefully in our room and we could hardly wait for the Jacuzzi to fill. After an hour of lying in the jet stream with a glass of wine, we decided a change was needed. We headed over to the indoor pool which was surrounded by a glassed in dining room. Linda amused the patrons with her class A dive under the ?No Diving Allowed? sign. An older gentleman paused in the middle of cutting his steak to hold up a placard reading ?9.5?. Linda continued with her repertoire ranging from underwater ballet to butterfly strokes. She taught me the pretzel and torpedo then we practiced some rescue techniques (I felt they would come in handy if we stayed much longer). After an hour of this we tried out the hot tub and then the steam bath. We needed to find something to do to relax.

?You bugged me about forgetting my bathing suit. At least I remembered my pants? said Linda.

We walked from one end of Gananoque to the other, and back (about 4k) ? me in my bicycle pants. Along the way, we paused on a bridge to view a large fountain, lit by spectacular multicoloured lights. Romance was in the air.

As if our legs weren?t sore enough we spied the hotel trampoline as we returned. Linda surprised me by being able to bounce around in spite of her disabled knee. When it was my turn, Linda complimented me by giggling hysterically and saying ?You look just like Mr. Bean?. I?m not up on my movie stars but I believe he was the lead in ?The Terminator?. My head was swelled the rest of the night.

Supper consisted of ice cream cones from the Dairy Queen and later we had salad and zucchini sticks at our hotel restaurant. To finish off the evening we fell back into the Jacuzzi and then called it a night. The room was more than hot from the Jacuzzi and the air conditioner didn?t really start working until 4:00 a.m.

I woke up to see Linda fiddling with the air conditioner controls. I had not moved an inch since she got up. Linda returned to bed, ripped all the covers off me while yelling, ?Stop taking my blanket!?

I hadn?t recalled seeing a large ?L? on the hotel bedding but I was too tired to argue. I went back to a restless sleep exposed to the elements.

Sunday September 9, 2001

I woke up frozen and jumped in the Jacuzzi to warm up. Linda was watered out. I sent my lackey over to Tim Horton?s to get me a bagel, hot chocolate and orange juice which I consumed while in my bubbled bliss.

?The timer ran out on your Jacuzzi jets? she said stating the obvious as the room became silent.

?Yes?? I said pointing to where the timer was until she reluctantly did my bidding.


ROUSING THE BIKES FOR THEIR MORNING STROLL	LINDA WARNED ME ABOUT USING TOO MUCH MR. BUBBLES	THE PERFECT ROOM

Since Linda had to be back for a noon engagement, we did not have time for a game of squash. Instead, we did a few bounces on the trampoline then bucked a strong headwind all the way home. It was another extremely hot day. We went through the water bottles quite quickly. Linda allowed a 72 second rest at the bridge in Kingston.

?I was hoping for a 5 minute rest? she explained ?but we?re falling a little behind and we need to be back at my house at 11:46?.

We actually arrived at 11:45. I was disappointed as we could have had an extra minute back at our rest stop. The route had been approximately 130 kilometers.

?Here hold this while I get the door? she said astounding me by handing over her bike. My jaw dropped open. I was awestruck. It was the first time I had ever been allowed to touch the holy icon. The heavens opened up. A bright ray of sunshine beamed down on me and angels began to sing. I fell to my knees at the wonder of it all?or maybe it was just the fact that my legs would no longer support me.


CAPTAIN HIGHLINER	TIM HORTON'S BREAKFAST	THE GOOD SHIP "SCURVY DOG"


*LINDA DONS HER FEDORA*	*THE POLE POSITION*	*VIEW FROM U.S. BRIDGE*


RAILING REST	GET OUT THE BUNGEY ROPES	LONG WAY TO GO


BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS	LAZY, HAZY DAYS OF SUMMER	THE ST. LAWRENCE SEAWAY


THE THOUSAND ISLANDS	A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE	THE THOUSAND EYELANDS


FREIGHTENING EXPERIENCE	SHIPS THAT PASS IN THE NIGHT	PRINCIPAL WATERWAY


TO THE CANADIAN BORDER	*TALL IN THE SADDLE*	LINDA "RESTS" ON A DOWNHILL STRETCH


LINDA PASSES THE SOBRIETY TEST	TIME TO HIDE THE FRESH FRUIT	WELL, I DO DECLARE!!


LANDON BAY NEAR IVY LEA	GANANOQUE PARKWAY	DAVE DID A QUICK WATERCOLOUR ON THE WAY


LINDA KEEPS ME AWAY FROM HER BIKE	GRAVITY DEFYING POSE	LINDA INSISTED I WEAR THE PROPER ATTIRE


FLOATING DEBRIS	CHEERS!!	SPITTING IMAGE


THE HUMMING BIRD	THE BUTTERFLY	THE SEAGULL


THE GREAT BLUE HERON	THE PRETZEL	THE TORPEDO


THE SPARKLING CHAMPAGNE	THE HANGOVER	THE LOON


HOT,HOT,HOT,HOT,HOT!!!	COME ON IN...THE WATER'S FINE!!	LINDA CATCHES ME BY SURPRISE IN THE SAUNA


I'M TALLER THAN YOU ARE!	LAUNCHING PAD	GIDDY UP, GO, DADDY!